CARNAL NATION

Didn't you know that hugging can lead to immoral and inappropriate actions?!? An article in the New York Times by Sarah Kershaw examines the growing trend of school officials banning hugs. It appears from this article that, "schools from Hillsdale, N.J., to Bend, Ore., wary in a litigious era about sexual harassment or improper touching—or citing hallway clogging and late arrivals to class—have banned hugging or imposed a three-second rule." It appears that schools that have banned this form of physical contact are worried because hugging is now happening for no apparent reason, for extended periods of time, and at all times of the day. Shocking! It happens with students of the same sex as well as the opposite. School officials are nipping this form of public affection in the bud. They state they are trying, "to maintain an atmosphere of academic seriousness and prevent unwanted touching, or even groping."

So in other words, teenagers are showing their desire to connect with people and feel wanted, and school officials have responded to this natural human need by stopping a "dangerous trend" before it gets out of control. This fear-based response to touch does not surprise me, although it does anger me. For many years I worked in therapeutic intervention programs with youth at-risk. At one program, hugging was banned between students, as well as staff and students, in hopes of preventing inappropriate "hanky-panky." A part of the students and me died a little bit the day that this rule was imposed. Instead of being an outlet for intimacy needs, as well as a practicing ground for appropriate touch, the teenagers were again given the message that having and acting on physical needs is wrong, and that all form of touch is sexual in nature. It has taken me years to unlearn this message, and I am saddened to see its message running strong amongst the fear-based folks of society.

Obie Benz's 1989 documentary Heavy Petting does a great job of reminding those who were teenagers in the 1950s about the type of propaganda that substituted for instructional dating material back then. The following YouTube clip is of David Byrne from the Talking Heads reflecting back upon the ridiculous rules and guidelines that were presented to his generation when he was growing up. I recommend a viewing of this documentary to any parents or school officials who have forgotten about the days where nuns insisted that if a woman sat in a man's lap, there needed to be a telephone book under her so that she didn't elicit any "uncontrollable" desires.