CARNAL NATION

The following essay was originally published on Lavender Lounge's blog. --CarnalNation

Why are people so interested in contests and competitions? In the past few weeks, mainstream media was obsessed with the finals of American Idol and the controversy surrounding Miss California (aka 'The Biggest Loser'). Those contests followed closely behind the most drawn-out contest in history: the November 4th elections. And now we're back with the biggest annual contest for gay males: the International Mr. Leather Contest (IML).

For those of you who don't know, for the past thirty-one Memorial Day Weekends, the city of Chicago has hosted an entire weekend of events culminating with a contest that awards the title "International Mr. Leather." Other than a sash and a few donated items, the winner receives no new car, no scholarship, no trip to Bermuda, no big fat check. What does he win? A year's worth of work raising money for charity, that's what!

Over 50 men competed this year, each having been selected in advance to represent their hometown, region, or sponsor. In some cases, they had to win several preliminary contests just to be there. It's a grueling process that weeds out the vapid Carrie Prejeans early on. IML is clearly not a beauty contest, and many guys outside the leather subculture don't understand it when someone that doesn't look like a porn star is chosen as the winner.

There were three contestants from San Francisco this time, and I was rooting for Mr. SF Leather Brandon Clark (pictured left). He made it to the top 20, was the best looking by far, and gave a rousing speech about 'Don't Ask Don't Tell' from the perspective of being a veteran himself. Even if you closed your eyes and ignored his Tom-of-Finland physique, it was the only speech that really captivated the audience. From what the audience saw onstage, he should have won. However, there is plenty of judging that happens before they even get to the stage. Ultimately, it was Jeffrey Payne, Mr. Texas Leather, who won the title of International Mr. Leather for 2009 (pictured below right).

I've been to a zillion contests in the gay community. Leather contests, drag contests, bear contests, you name it. In 1996, I was flown to North Carolina to judge the Miss Gay America Pageant, not realizing that the pageant system in the southern states is different than we're used to in California. The winner of Miss Gay America is actually winning a paying job for a year. Naturally, when there is money involved, it gets a lot more cutthroat. I am more accustomed to pageants like IML, Imperial Court, and International Bear Rendezvous through which winners use their title to help raise money. Who really needs to fight for the chance to do more work?

Even though there is less competition between contestants in pageants like IML, the culture around those contests has developed its own competitiveness. It's just a symptom of modern consumer society, but there's not much you can do about it. When the producers build up hype that IML weekend is a sexually charged free-for-all, it's human nature for everyone attending to want to look and dress their best. But is wearing $500 leather chaps really going to guarantee that you get laid?

If I go to an event like IML and allow myself to be neurotic about what I wear or how many sit-ups I did (or didn't do), then my mind wanders away from the actual contestants to some undefined competitors of my own sitting in the audience or hanging out in the lobby. If the men on stage have nothing tangible to win, what could I possibly hope to "win" competing against guys half my age and twice as athletic?

People with a taste for kinky sex seem to be in competition with themselves to reach a higher level of orgasm than humanly possible by incorporating something a little "extra" into their sex play. A toy, a piece of clothing, a particular setting, a role play, an element of danger, a bit of humor, creative expression, etc., all feed a need to go one step further. As consumers, we're taught that spending money on a better cock ring, a bigger dildo, or a latex suit will give us better sex. The need for internalized one-upmanship not only leads to unnecessary consumer spending, but often the abuse of drugs/alcohol and risks to bodily harm.

When leather/kink players talk about "safe and sane" sex, it goes much deeper than choosing a safe word. To me, it means staying true to what's right and wrong for your own well-being. If I want new boots, I wear them because I like them, not because I'm hoping to get laid wearing them. If I worried about my gray hair or my glasses or my beer gut preventing me from getting universal applause and adoration from every person in the building, I wouldn't be able to function. Not only is there competitiveness within myself to be the biggest, hottest, most attractive guy in the room, but in choosing a potential date for the evening, it's hard to squelch the urge to "shop" for the perfect abs, pecs, and biceps to take home. Well, that guy is cute, but I'll just wait for an even hotter one to come along before I approach him.

At this year's International Mr. Leather, I chose to not be neurotic about being in competition with myself or anyone else. Instead, I had fun with my friends, drank in more of the architecture than the vodka, enjoyed the performances, complimented others on their looks and accessories, and prevented myself from falling into the trap of competitiveness.

Another trick I use to stay sane among a sea of unbelievably handsome men (that want nothing to do with me) is to express myself creatively by taking photos. It keeps me busy and allows me to walk up to guys I've never have the courage to approach without a camera. I not only steal a little bit of their soul, but I am able to share it with others.

All photos courtesy of Lavender Lounge.