CARNAL NATION

The first date was OK, but not all that great, and I didn't want to go out with her again. But now I'm getting all these emails and phone messages...

At some point—and it sounds like it might be pretty soon—this sort of behavior will go over the line from mildly flattering attention to intimidation or harrassment: in other words, stalking.

Both men and women stalk, and both men and women get stalked. Fortunately, says our lawyer buddy Robyn Friedman, the law takes a dim view of stalking. Under some circumstances (if there's been a previous conviction, or if there's a protective order in place), it's a Class C felony, and the penalties are stiff.

In the state of Washington, says Robyn, stalking is defined as intentionally or repreatedly harrassing or following someone in a way that a reasonable person would see as putting the stalkee in fear for their person or property. This is a fairly typical definition for most states. (The one exception is a licensed private investigator. Weird, huh?)

The first thing to do, she says: tell your stalker clearly to knock it off, and document the fact that you have done so (send a certified letter, or save a copy of the email you send them). At this point, you should also be saving documentation on all stalking behavior. Keep copies of any letters or emails, and make a list of the dates, times, and places in which the stalker telephones you or confronts you physically.

If the behavior continues after you've asked for it to stop, call the cops and file a complaint. Show them the documentation you've accumulated. They'll help you get this nonsense stopped, with the help of a restraining order if need be.