CARNAL NATION

My boyfriend was doing something reeeeally interesting to my balls—and suddenly I had this agonizing pain my right one and it won't go away.

Ok. Unlike a broken dick, this is an emergency. Testicular torsion is a twist in one of the cords that attach your testicles to the rest of you. It cuts off the blood supply to the testicle: if you don't get treated, you could lose the ball. Get to the emergency. The doctor may be able to untwist it manually, or you may need surgery. (Note: This doesn't only happen to perverts like you; heavy lifting can also cause testicular torsion, and sometimes it happens for no discernable reason at all.)

Owowowowowowow!! My penis and/or testicles hurt!

Where? And when? Depending on your answer the cause might be...

• Infection of your prostate, anus, urethra, or testicles
• Epididymitis
• Blue balls
• A foreskin adhesion
• A skin condition
• Herpes
• Razor burn
• Allergic reactions
• Fractured penis
• Testicular torsion
• A piercing getting rubbed, chafed, or infected
• And probably a bunch of other possibilities we haven't thought of.

Got the picture? Get your dick to the doc so the dick doc can doctor your dick. Some things just can't be covered here.