CARNAL NATION

I tried to turn to my heavy background in feminist theory and gender theory to try to understand this limiting devaluing of masculinity, but found a gap. Feminism hasn't dug down deep into masculinity the same way it has dug down deep into femininity, and those who are digging down deep into masculinity are often reproducing some sort of essentialist tripe that clashes with feminism and feels completely removed from explaining my own experience. I want a masculinist theory that grows out of feminism, that works with women instead of against, that understands that all the so-called "man-hating" issues of feminism have much more to do with backlash than with fundamental philosophies of the work.

So I have studied butch. I was not born with swagger: I learned it.I have studied butch. I was not born with swagger: I learned it. I earned it. I was not born knowing how to use a cock or tie a tie or match my belt to my shoes or court a girl or refrain from chivalry when it's not welcome or to contain something big and chaotic.I earned it. I was not born knowing how to use a cock or tie a tie or match my belt to my shoes or court a girl or refrain from chivalry when it's not welcome or to contain something big and chaotic. I have read everything I can, gone to the performances, asked my friends or perfect strangers for their definitions and understandings and hardships. I've found that most of the misunderstandings come from simple, basic sexism—simple, basic policings of masculinity—like when I ordered a vanilla vodka and cranberry from the bartender at my regular bar and she leaned over the counter, confidentially, and said, "Really? Are you sure? Because that's awfully ... sweet."

Implying, of course, that sweet drinks are for girls and wasn't I a guy? A guy's guy? A butch's butch? Come on, order something that'll put hair on your chest, like whiskey or beer!

Why the fuck can't I just order what I want to order?

It isn't just me, either. As I've been more confident and explorative in my presentation and understanding of my masculinity, I've been observing over and over the limitations of masculinity in others, and the effect these limitations have on all kinds of people with masculine presentations—gay boys, trans men, straight men, women who date men, female masculinity, men who are unemployed in this recession, non-traditional men like my yogi straight cis male roommate, anybody who loves or cares for or is related to or interacts with men or masculine people.

The restrictions and prescriptions for masculinity affect everybody.

There are so many rules of masculinity which are really fucking painful, to ourselves and to others. The competition, the fighting, the physical violence, the anger, the rage, the lack of emotional expression, the policing of each other's weaknesses, the presumption that someone masculine is always sexually available and is probably sexually promiscuous, the issues of commitment, the expectations of "bringing home the bacon."

Of course, it is not all bad. There are beautiful traits, too, care-taking and problem solving and the use of tools and innovative thinking and observation and leading others in passion and entering and embiggening and guiding energy in just the right way. There are many people doing all sorts of Radical Masculinity work already—butches, genderqueers, gender-non-conformist folks, masculine trans women, effeminate trans men, gay men, men who are professional pastry chefs, metrosexuals, guy yogis, feminist men, the "new" stay-at-home-dads, and all sorts of other aspects of masculinity that are still desperate to be explored.

So many questions about masculinity still remain: what are male traits? What makes a 'good man'? What is a positive presentation of masculinity? What are masculine traits? Sure, I can describe physical presentation and some sort of energy movement, but what about emotional traits, what about interpersonal traits? Is there any truth to the broad-sweeping concepts about men from one planet and women from another? Can we really make any emotional, psychological, or interpersonal conclusions by dividing people by gender? I remain unconvinced that those conclusions are much more than stereotypes.

But I do know that we need to continue struggling and stumbling into a new masculinity, a radical masculinity, a masculinity that is not painful for those who wear it or those who fall in love with it or for those who interact with it. Radical masculinity does not hurt. Radical masculinity is strong enough to be vulnerable and receptive enough to put his foot down. Radical masculinity is trans men and fairy fags and butches who do girly drag. Radical masculinity is straight women with cropped hair and tool belts marrying men, not apologizing, refusing to take the lesbian jokes personally. Radical masculinity is a new form of fatherhood, of manhood, of adulthood, of humanhood. Radical masculinity is feminist men doing real work for equality and liberation for everyone. Radical masculinity is football games with your daughter's ballet class and ice cream sundaes with your high school son's best friends. Radical masculinity is big cuddly bears and vicious hardcore dharma punx, urban cowboys and the sexiest MMA fighters, yogis and your brother with his new baby and yes even sometimes your dad, showing everyone that you can teach an old dog new tricks.

Radical masculinity is a way to present, perform, play with, celebrate, and liberate masculinity, in thousands of multi-dimensional expressions. It is still being created, recreated, formed, and reformed, and I want to be a part of its ongoing evolution.