CARNAL NATION

I've got something stuck in my peehole.

The urology department in a major California hospital has a Hall of Fame of x-rays of stuff stuck in people-s urethras—pencils, toothbrushes, you name it.

If whatever's up there is sharp or breakable, don't spend time reading this, go to an emergency room. But if not...

Try peeing first; maybe you can push it out yourself.

If you can see it, and if you can pull on it, and if pulling is just irritating rather than painful, you can try pulling it out—it'll probably irritate your urethra, but that's usually not a big deal. See your doctor afterwards so that she can take a look at any irritatio and decide wether an antibiotic is in order. If pulling is painful or seems to be causing injury, your friendly urologist will need to be paid a visit.

In all cases, this is a time for slow, steady pressure, not a quick rip-and-pray maneuver. (We feel a little queasy even writing that sentence.)

And if you can't see it at all, it may have worked its way up into your bladder, in which case you need medical help. When your mother told you always to have a toothbrush with you, this isn't what she meant.