CARNAL NATION

It seems to me that there’s something primally instinctive about hesitating to stick your penis into anything that you can’t see into. Then again, most people don’t tend to shine flashlights into the holes they’re about to fuck. Still, I must admit to some trepidation, however subtle and fleeting, as I was about to use the Tenga Squeeze Play Sleeve. With its flashy striped exterior, circular base, and puffy, square-ish structure, the Tenga looks more like a tube of hair gel than a masturbation sleeve, and I suppose the comparison is an apt one because the goal in both cases involves getting stiff and sticky.  So it’s time to give this thing a good squeeze.

For me, one of the most exciting moments of a sexual encounter is the “unveiling”—when you get to see the goods. I must admit to being somewhat disappointed that those cool black and red stripes are only the cellophane wrapping for the actual sleeve, which is just a plain white tube.  Well, generic brands usually work just as well as, if not better than, designer brands, but somehow when it comes to sex, you kind of want to fuck something sexy. I suppose men really are all about the visual. To that end, I took a closer look at my new “partner” before the fun began. Unwrapped, it really does look like a tube of hair gel. At the base is a large round cap that you have to unscrew before you screw. At the top, there is a small hole (slightly large than a pin prick), which is apparently there to control suction. Considering its location, I imagined that some of the sticky stuff just might get squeezed out… We’d just have to see.

It was not as easy as you might think to enter the tight Tenga. It took some patience, force, and tenacity to get myself inside it—not unlike some people I’ve been with. There are pockets of lube around the entry point, so the first sensation I had (after the tightness) was a bit of a chilly wetness. Once all the way inside, I took my hand away to check the sensation of just being inserted. There was a pleasant feeling, but not from merely being inside it. The sleeve was slowly but steadily sliding off my cock as if I was sloughing it off like so much snakeskin. Not wanting to go through the entry process again, I grabbed hold and started my squeeze play. A while back I reviewed the Stroker masturbation sleeve, which I really enjoyed. I found with the Tenga that it was not really about stroking. That kind of motion wasn’t really comfortable for me with this toy, so, as the name would suggest, it was squeeze play time. Over the course of my play, I discovered that my favorite motion (more than the varying squeezes) was spinning or rotating the Tenga. Now that’s not a sensation you get everyday! The squeeze play was alright, but the drawback, I soon discovered, was the lube. Since the lube reservoir was at the base, nearly every squeeze resulted in more lube oozing out of the toy onto me. I found that wetness somewhat distracting, but not distracting enough to prevent me from attempting to shoot something out of that little spout at the top.

When the big moment came (that is, when I came), nothing came out the top of the Tenga, which was fine despite my little mini-fantasy. I was also grateful for that when it came to the clean up. Sometimes the idea is better than the reality. Anyway, I had a good time. I usually do when I jerk off.  The big problem turned out to be: when you’re done, you’re done. I don’t mean just in that post-ejaculation desire to roll over and go to sleep. The Tenga is a one-time-use toy. Kind of like a one-night stand. When it’s over, it goes right in the trash. I suppose you could use it again, and under certain circumstances, that might actually be hot… Oh yeah, wait, the idea is better than the reality. At $16, the Tenga is certainly less expensive and time-consuming than trolling the bars for a fling, but it’s also a little less fun, especially as you look at it sadly discarded in your trash can. At least you don't have to make it breakfast.
 

The Tenga Squeeze Play is a male masturbation device. From the outside, it looks like a big fat sport sunblock container. The magic is on the inside. It contains a very alien looking system of nubs which look like silicone. It is designed as a single-use toy.

OK. The first thing you have to get over with this toy is the fear of sticking your cock into a completely opaque device. If you're like me, you'll stick your finger in first to make sure it's OK. I understand this may sound paranoid, but I bet you'll do the same thing if you try it out. The squeeze play feels eerily organic on the inside. The system of nubs is good. I wouldn't say it feels like anything you've ever penetrated before, unless you have something really kinky going on with a sea monster. All weirdness aside, this thing feels pretty darned good, both going in and out (as advertised).

The Squeeze Play has an air hole in it so you can vary the pressure inside while you're stroking. When you cover the hole while pulling out, the suction is greater. In practice, I found this to be inconvenient. When I'm jerking off, I really don't want to be burdened with repeatedly covering and uncovering something. On an eco-note, I don't like the fact that this toy, which is about the same landfill volume as a a can of deodorant, is designed for a single-use only. I am told Tenga also makes reusable toys, which would inflict less karmic hippie guilt, I'm sure.

Rating: I give this a 2.5 Bishops on the 5 bishop scale (3 minus 0.5 for environmental impact)

When I first heard of the Tenga, it reminded me of the wooden tower block game Jenga I used to play with my family back in the day. The last thing I want to think about is my family when I'm jerking off, but I digress. The Tenga is actually a stylish jackoff sleeve that is all the rage in Japan where it sells by the millions. The clever Japanese! They invent everything cool. And the Tenga doesn't disappoint. Having reviewed some other jackoff sleeves recently, I wondered what might make this one any different or better than the others. Apparently, the manufacturer sells over 10,000 of these babies a month at $16 a pop. Clearly there must be something to this.

Firstly, the Tenga looks cool. Leave it to the Japanese to design something that looks like it belongs in an Eames showroom. Wrapped in a flashy striped plastic coating that must be removed before use, the Tenga looks like the sort of giant peppermint candy you might find in Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory. After you remove the exterior plastic wrap, however, you have a rather futuristic looking white plastic toy with a screw cap bottom. What's clever about the Tenga is the ribbed elastomer sleeves that line the inside of this toy. These sleeves are designed to create a suction very much like one you experience during intercourse. Once your penis is inserted into the opening, the pressure is indeed very pleasurable. To get the most benefit from the Tenga, there is a small air hole at the top of the device which can be used to control suction. Peeling off the small round sticker at the top opens the suction regulator. Uncovering and covering this sticker creates a variety of amazing sensations, which lead to a mind-blowing orgasm. What makes the Tenga even greater is that it comes equipped with lube already in the chamber. If you've ever used a jackoff sleeve before, you will know all too well that you've got to stop every so often to add more lube. Not with the Tenga!

What's disappointing about the Tenga is that while it's made of recycled plastic (way to go Japan!), it's a disposable one-time-use toy. That's right--the Tenga is not for repeated use, which seems to defeat the notion of it being environmentally sound. Apparently, there is a newer version of the Tenga called the Flip Hole which opens for easy cleaning. I am personally looking forward to that version. Furthermore, the shell, while flexible is a bit cumbersome and large. I found it more pleasurable to jack off with both hands squeezing the shell; however, I personally prefer to keep one hand on the remote and the other on my cock when I masturbate. So while I would have preferred a softer, smaller shell, I've read that in Japan there are 12 different versions, including a soft version as well as one that mimics the sensation of your cock being licked at the tip!

So while it sucks that you have to toss the Tenga out after you toss your cookies, even at $16 a pop I wasn't disappointed after popping my cork.